A discussion of The Hite Report

79 percent of women are now questioning intensely whether they should put so much energy into love relationships, or give them the highest priority in their lives; 89 percent feel a conflict between men‘s demands on them to be loving— i.e., their “duty” to be loving and giving (“endlessly …‘}—and their own need to be themselves:

I wish that I didn’t spend so much mental energy thinking about relationships (friendships). I am a good student but too often my work gets put aside because I am focusing on the people in my life. I feel like I can’t help it. People are so important to me. My work always comes second. I wish that I could find a balance. I still value love relationships highly but I am consciously trying to switch my priorities.”

“During a relationship, so much time is spent on learning about the other person and just enjoying the feelings that it puts a stop on every other part of life. Too much time and effort is wasted (?) on just being with this other person—at least that’s how it’s always been for me. In school I never put enough thought into what it was that I wanted to do in life (except being a wife and mother).”

“He demands my total involvement. If I gaze out the window of the plane to study the cloud formations, he has to keep intruding on thoughts, to be the total center of my attention all the time. He phones from work several times a day, and pouts when I am in conference and cannot talk. The way to solve my dilemma would be to change the dead-bolt lock on the door. Oh, I’m oversimplifying… This man is mid-forties but his insecurities and needs will consume me if I don’t try to find answers.”

“In both my relationships I’ve become far too involved in making relationships work that should have worked on their energy or I should have let go down the drain. I had a lot of trouble doing anything good or useful for myself dating them, and this affected all my relationships with other people.”